For those of you who don't know, last week I lost my job. The first thing that came to my mind was that I would no longer be able to buy all the material things my little heart desired. No longer would I be able to buy my sweet niece $75 Jordan kicks or spend hundreds of dollars a month on clothing. I spent most of the next several days frantically applying to any job that would pay well, not really caring about whether or not I would enjoy it. Did I like my job? Absolutely not. Did it pay for all the material things I so often thought about? Absolutely yes. I found myself crying out to God, not so much in faith but more so in desperation, thinking about all that I would potentially lose without an "important" job and a large paycheck.
Last week I had 3 interviews. Two of them in the legal field and one working with foster children. The first was with a small law office near my home town. While meeting with the managing partner I was asked to explain the 3 things I am most passionate about. Instantly I rattled off some BS answer about the legal field and was later offered the job. I told him that I would let him know in 48 hours. I went home that night and thought to myself, "wow, I would hate this job, but the money is great - I think I'll take it!". The next afternoon I went in for another interview, a nonprofit company who works with foster children. I was told the salary over the phone the day before (it was shockingly low) and I almost decided to cancel the interview completely, but then decided to go anyway. A third of the way through the interview, I was asked relatively the same question, what do I love? Rather than rattling off a bullshit answer, I spoke truthfully - Children. I love everything about children. I miss being called "Miss Mollie". I miss the constant hugs and affection. I miss watching the kids learn and grow. As she explained the job to me further, I knew that I would love it.
I went home feeling very conflicted. Money vs. Happiness, which do I choose? Do I continue going through the motions and being asked to do things that I don't believe in all for a large paycheck? Or do I choose happiness and purpose? When I lay it out like that it seems pretty simple, right?
I spent the remainder of the week and weekend equally as conflicted as before. I woke up today and was offered the position with the kids first thing this morning. I needed some time to think and finally, rather then crying to God out of desperation and fear of not having everything I want, I prayed, faithfully asking God to point me in the right direction. Then I headed over to the daycare to see my mom. After just a few minutes, my mind seemed to become clear. I love these kids. I love the way my mom cares for each of them and how they love her in return. As soon as I got into my car to leave, I instantly started crying because I knew what I was called to do. I've known all along.
I've spent the last year trying to succeed in a field that I deemed to be important, and I felt important. I felt successful, and I no longer felt that people could look down on me for my career choice. However, I did not feel passion or love for anything I was doing. I didn't feel complete. But hey, I had money and nice things. That's important right? Wrong again. I used to feel like a daycare job was ok for everyone else to do with their lives, but that I was called to do something much much more important. It wasn't until to day that I realized how very important those jobs are. It wasn't until today that I realized no matter what kind of money I make, the actual important things in life will still be here. So I may not be able to afford the mounds of clothes I buy every month, but as long as I can still have a drink with my friends on the weekends, and as long as I can still kiss my baby niece, I would say that life is pretty good.
I no longer care who looks down on me for choosing to do what makes me happy. After all, if you don't accept yourself, how can you expect others to? It really is the simple things... :)
Cheers to new beginnings!
Mollie
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